Q & A

Questions our fearless punditry have asked the candidates, together with the correct answers.

Q (Russert): Do you believe that life begins at conception?

A: Duh! No! It began billions of years ago. Get a grip Timmy!

Q (Couric): How do you feel about marital infidelity?

A: Katie, are you trying to come on with me? Cause like I'm married. And besides, this isn't the time. Call me though.

Q (NLS): What did the Founders mean by the "pursuit of happiness?

A: Sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

Q (SL): Is it a mistake, therefore, to call the United States a democracy?

A: Under current leadership, it has strong resemblances to a fascist kleptocracy.

Q (SL): How does the U.S. debt compare with the debts of other nations?

A: The United States now owes more than all of the rest of the nations of the world combined.

Q (AP): What is the last work of fiction you've read?

A: Rudy Giuliani's campaign biography.

Q: (AP) What were your best and worst subjects in school?

A: Math and Religion. (No actual candidate gave these answers. Most claimed to be good at law and history, and many admitted to being poor at science, math, and music). [WS, in Merchant of Venice:

The man that hath no music in himself,
Nor is not mov'd with concord of sweet sounds,
Is fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils
]

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