Settling

The guys I went to lunch with today got talking about places with bad weather - one of them was headed to Omaha, and it was clear, sunny, and about 70 F here. It ocurred to me that I've never lived in a place with bad weather. I've lived places where the blizzards get down to 50 below, and other places where the summer can bake up to 122 F, and spent some time where the mud was thigh deep before it froze, but none of them ever impressed me as having bad weather. I've been lucky, I guess, and I've never lived in Omaha.

In the March Atlantic, Lori Gottlieb has some regrets about the roads not taken, and tries to make the case that women should be willing to settle for Mr. Good Enough. It's a keenly observed article, and she has some good lines:

Once you’re married, it’s not about whom you want to go on vacation with; it’s about whom you want to run a household with. Marriage isn’t a passion-fest; it’s more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business. And I mean this in a good way.

Actually, if you've got kids, it's not a nonprofit, but I can agree with most of that.

She makes the argument for settling, but she can't sell herself. My feeling is that the problem is more fundamental. If you set out trying to pick a mate the way you would try to pick the perfect pair of shoes, you are bound to be disappointed.

Gottlieb has a kid (sperm donor) but has she ever said to herself "This kid is almost good enough, but he really doesn't seem to be as pretty as Tom Cruise, as athletic as Michael Jordan, or as smart as Ed Witten. Maybe I shouldn't have settled?"

She, and her like minded friends, seem to me to have their minds too focussed on their own navels. They can never be satisfied, because they are too self-centered.

Of course I'm in no position to lecture or give advice. I been extremely lucky in my spouse and family, and I've never had to live anywhere with bad weather, or even in Omaha.