Six Tent Poles of Wisdom

Sean Carroll of Cosmic Variance reports that New Scientist asked 70 noted scientists for pithy predictions of great discoveries in the next 50 years. Sean was among the 70, whilst the Pig, of course, was not, but I thought I would offer up a few of my own anyway.
  • Astrobiology: We make contact with intelligent life in the universe. It tells us to buzz off.

  • Astrophysics & Cosmology: The nature of dark matter is explained. It turns out to be responsible for that feeling of pressure you get with a bad headache.

  • Biology: Artificial life with a new DNA code is created from scratch in the laboratory. It quickly outcompetes and displaces all of the old-fashioned, natural kind.

  • Neuroscience: Consciousness is explained. Nobody can follow the explanation.

  • Mathematics: Further research into the foundations of mathematics reveals that 2+3 = 7. Fortunes are made revising textbooks.

  • Theology: After a long hiatus, God resumes conversations with mankind in a weekly radio show. He reveals that He, like George Allen, is only Jewish on his mother's side.

  • Gender Studies: Intellectual differences between men and women are proven, and traced to women's lack of the organ that men do most of their thinking with.

  • Economics: Rich people's volume in wealth space is found to be associated with positive Lyapunov exponents, while the poor get negative ones.

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