Magneto-Mentallic Fields

One mystery of science unexplained by the standard model or string theory is the origin and dynamics of the magneto-mentallic field that rigorously excludes any comprehension of irony from the (otherwise very clever) brain of Luboš Motl. It seems that humorist and novelist Bruno Maddox has written a column for Discover magazine Three Words That Could Overthrow Physics: “What Is Magnetism?”
claiming that science has yet to come up with an acceptable explanation of magnetism. This column became the occasion of a whole flood basaltic eruption of righteous outrage from Lumo, denouncing Maddox and suggesting that he might be isomorphic to Lee Smolin, Peter Woit, Karl Marx, and all the other demons of the Lumonic underworld.

To be sure, the article was spotted earlier by Bee of Backreaction. She sensed that it might be humorously intended, but she wasn't amused either.

Maddox may not know much physics, but as the son of physicist, science writer, and longtime Nature editor Sir John Maddox, it seems safe to assume that he's quite familiar with physicists famous and otherwise. At any rate, he knows how to push their buttons.

Any work of ironic humor ought to have a point, and after detailing some of the trouble he went to to try and understand magnetism, he writes:

As far as I can tell, these virtual particles are composed entirely of math and exist solely to fill otherwise embarrassing gaps in physics, such as the attraction and repulsion between magnets. And as far as I can tell, because I’ve had it repeatedly and rather pityingly told to me, to want to pursue the matter any further is an impulse that marks its sufferer out as a man who doesn’t know an awful lot about physics, or science, or the pursuit of truth in general.


What I have learned, in other words, after 71 days of strenuous research, is that I and my fellow Dummies no longer have a seat, if we ever did, at the dinner table of science.


And, this, of course, is just the simple truth. Physics, like its virtual particles, is composed (perhaps not quite entirely) of math, and those who do not know it can’t truly enter into the kingdom. Aristotle apparently told Alexander that there was no royal road to geometry. The path through algebra, trigonometry, and calculus is longer but no easier, and that just gets you to the entrance foyer. Much more is needed to understand quantum field theory, including linear algebra, probability and statistics, differential equations, complex analysis, and at least those bits of the calculus of variations, group theory, and functional analysis that will be included in your preparatory physics courses. Those need to include classical mechanics, special relativity, electromagnetism, waves, statistical mechanics, and quantum mechanics. Mechanics, electromagnetism, and quantum theory are generally expected to require two or three helpings (semesters or years) of study, each.

Having climbed that far up the pyramid, quantum field theory still lies ahead, and it’s no afternoon stroll either. So what do get when you finish that last pesky Peskin and Schroeder problem set? Full enlightenment? Maybe.

On the other hand, there is this from Einstein:

All the fifty years of brooding have brought me no closer to the answer to the question: “What are light quanta?” Of course today every rascal thinks he knows the answer, but he is deluding himself.

Virtual quanta aren’t necessarily simpler.

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