Can Somebody Get Him A Cellphone?

I'm talking about Ted Hagee's God, of course. Ted, you might recall, is the Texas preacher whose endorsement John McCain gratefully accepted a few months back, though the McBushster is having some second thoughts lately.

The problem is that old sermons of Haagee keep surfacing. Hagee's God, like the God of big time preachers Pat Robertson and the late Jerry Falwell, is a potent but inarticulate guy with a penchant for expressing his opinions via weather, earthquake, and international terrorism. Aside from hating Catholics, Ted's God also really hates Gay parades, so, hearing that one was planned for New Orleans, he sent a hurricane to devastate the much of Louisiana and Mississipi.

Hagee's God also wanted to tell the Jews to move to Israel, so he sent them (and the rest of the world) Hitler. So, Big Guy, what happened to those old time Biblical plagues of, say, frogs or maybe even grasshoppers? Too boring? Or have you lost your touch with these?

I seem to recall that Falwell also thought that 9/11 was God's punishment for gaydom. Pretty clearly he thought that the Old Guy was stilled pissed about the sodomy thing.

I worry, though, that maybe our preachers are misinterpreting the Big Guy's somewhat ambiguously phrased messages. Maybe Katrina wasn't really about parades. Maybe He is still exercised about the eating of shrimp. I think that there are probably even more shrimp eaters than sodomites in Mississipi and Louisiana. And I know for a fact that the WTC was full of guys who trimmed their beards.

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