Genesis 6:14 A

The Lord looked at that part of the Earth bounded by the Beltway, and was not well pleased.

He spoke to Noah Johnson, a hot dog vendor on Dupont Circle, and said.

I intend to flood this place, and so separate the righteous from the unrighteous.

So get some plywood and build and ark.

Make it 4 cubits long, two cubits wide, and 1 cubit high - that should be plenty for the righteous.

Take some canned goods, a flashlight, and a good bailing can.

And here's a FEMA credit card - try not to flash it on Meet the Press.

"Let the rains begin."

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