GWB: A Modest Proposal

The Great Wall of Bush is a modest proposal for the enhancement of our border security. It is based on two principles: Most immigrants to the US are seeking work, and barbed wire is ugly. No American could be proud of a gigantic version of the iron curtain running along our Southern border, but a stylishly antiqued and crenellated stone fortification could be a tourist attraction of the same scale and character as the Great Wall of China.

Of course it would be difficult to find Americans willing to do that kind of hard and detailed manual labor, but luckily, there is plentiful unskilled and eager labor just south of our border. Millions of Mexicans could live in their own country, amongst their own people, availing themselves of the cheaper living conditions there while constructing this beautiful and distinctive American monument.

Such a barrier might prove only a fairly slight obstacle to determined immigrants, it’s true, once the work of construction was done, which is where the second part of my plan comes in. Once the wall was completed, construction could be begun on a vast sea level channel connecting San Diego and Brownsville. In order to avoid contribution to global warming, all work would be done without carbon fuel powered aids.

What, you might ask, would be done with all the excavated rock? It is here that the true beauty of my plan is revealed. The excavated rock and soil would be trundled, possibly in wheelbarrows, to the Gulf of Mexico, where it would be used to construct a system of hurricane dikes and barrier islands to protect the entire Gulf coast, from Brownsville to Miami.

I fondly imagine pausing on the bike path along the wall in southern New Mexico and letting my gaze run from the cliffs of Mexico a few miles away to the great plume on my left where the Rio Grande plunges four thousand feet down El Paso falls to the sky blue sea below.

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