The Fake-Cell Strategem

Regular readers, if any, might not be surprised to hear that I have a big mouth - bigger than any senior citizen really ought to have. It happens that I stopped by the auto-teller at the bank, and after collecting my cash, was having a bit of trouble getting my seat belt buckled, etc. I noticed though, that someone was waiting behind me and moved forward a bit just to be polite and tried again with the seat belt.

This turned out to be a mistake, since a guy in a giant pickup decided I was still blocking his way. He beeped at me, which did not improve my coordination, and then beeped again. I found a different position to try again, but he again found me in the way of wherever he was planning to go, and beeped some more. I said something impolite to my steering wheel, but forgot that my window was still open, and now I get an ugly stare.

Still unbelted, I pulled out onto the roadway and make a turn. He follows and follows again. At this point I go into a grocery story parking lot - he follows again, and I reach for the cell phone I always carry. Unfortunately I seem to have left it home on the charger today. I am now sitting in an empty lane in a half empty parking lot and he is parked right behind me.

This leaves only one tactic - cup my hand, pretend to push some buttons, and hold my cupped hand up to my ear. He decides that he really doesn't want to shop at this store and leaves.

That was my second success with the fake cell. Once before I had been an innocent passenger in a car whose driver had been enraged by the driver of the car I was in. That nut kept pulling his truck in front of us and slamming on the brakes. He too saw the light when the old f-c came out.

Next time though, I will have my cell. And maybe my .45. Either that or remember to roll the window up before I curse.

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