English Only

In Nashville, a new municipal resolution would require that Country and Western Songs be written only in English. Nashville city councilmen have aclaimed this measure as the first step in taking America back for Americans.

“Kono jyoukyou wa kaeru bekidesu,” said the councilman, Eric Crafton, who is fluent in Japanese. Translated, it meant, “This situation must change.”

In fairness, however, we really should report that other observers claim that due to certain imprecision in Mr. Crafton's syntax, his remarks could also be translated as "You are the backside of a mule."

A committee of English teachers has been appointed to vet all published music for proper grammar and usage. Because of the expected expense, this work will be outsourced to India.

A city council spokesman says that the next step will be to attempt to apply the same standards to rap and Tex-Mex.

"This is America," he said. "We can't have people just saying things anyway they want."

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