Flying Naked
One of my correspondents asked me what civil liberties I had given up under the Bush imperium. That's a good question. I'll need to think about it.
Meanwhile, to get back to the title subject, I was doing some flying recently. Now I know the theory here, it's just that I'm not too good at advance planning. Anyway I get to the security gate, remove my hiking boots, jacket, and vest. I take off my watch, my pedometer, suspenders, and belt buckle. I take out and open my camera, telescope lens, laptop, portable printer and projector, and video camera. Ditto my cellphone, my Europhone with spare SIM cards for Egypt and Romania, my Blackberry, and my pager. I hate the wand and pat down routine, so I take off my wedding ring, my class ring, my bluetooth earpiece, my gold necklace, both toe rings, and my navel ring with its attached set of miniture burglary tools, which I use to deactivate and remove the State and Federal radio ankle bracelets. I empty my pockets: comb, keys, coins, asthma inhaler, slightly used kleenex, and my sterilized set of micro-neurosurgical implements. Finally, I remove my moneybelt and the backpack with the (unlicensed) electron-positron collider, grab my pants just as they start a dive towards my ankles, and shuffle through the security door.
Bzzzt, Bzzzt.
"Could you step over here Sir?"
Wand, pat, wand, pat, wand chirp! Chirp! They zero in on my mouth.
"Could you open your mouth Sir?"
Damn! I had forgotten about the cyanide loaded steel tooth.
"What's that sir?"
"It's a stainless steel cap."
"So why the skull and crossbones?"
Damn Q and his stupid pranks! "It's a rock band. Got the tooth in the seventies." Must remember, don't knash teeth!
"OK. You're clear."
Business had dropped off as I started reassembling my kit, so I chatted with a TSA chick: "Wouldn't it be simpler if we were all just issued hospital gowns for the trip?"
"You should see the new see-through security cameras. It's just like looking at people naked." She looked at me with faint digust. "I hope we never have to use them!"
I knew what she was talking about. Terahertz radar that can see through clothes and walls.
It would be simpler though.
Meanwhile, to get back to the title subject, I was doing some flying recently. Now I know the theory here, it's just that I'm not too good at advance planning. Anyway I get to the security gate, remove my hiking boots, jacket, and vest. I take off my watch, my pedometer, suspenders, and belt buckle. I take out and open my camera, telescope lens, laptop, portable printer and projector, and video camera. Ditto my cellphone, my Europhone with spare SIM cards for Egypt and Romania, my Blackberry, and my pager. I hate the wand and pat down routine, so I take off my wedding ring, my class ring, my bluetooth earpiece, my gold necklace, both toe rings, and my navel ring with its attached set of miniture burglary tools, which I use to deactivate and remove the State and Federal radio ankle bracelets. I empty my pockets: comb, keys, coins, asthma inhaler, slightly used kleenex, and my sterilized set of micro-neurosurgical implements. Finally, I remove my moneybelt and the backpack with the (unlicensed) electron-positron collider, grab my pants just as they start a dive towards my ankles, and shuffle through the security door.
Bzzzt, Bzzzt.
"Could you step over here Sir?"
Wand, pat, wand, pat, wand chirp! Chirp! They zero in on my mouth.
"Could you open your mouth Sir?"
Damn! I had forgotten about the cyanide loaded steel tooth.
"What's that sir?"
"It's a stainless steel cap."
"So why the skull and crossbones?"
Damn Q and his stupid pranks! "It's a rock band. Got the tooth in the seventies." Must remember, don't knash teeth!
"OK. You're clear."
Business had dropped off as I started reassembling my kit, so I chatted with a TSA chick: "Wouldn't it be simpler if we were all just issued hospital gowns for the trip?"
"You should see the new see-through security cameras. It's just like looking at people naked." She looked at me with faint digust. "I hope we never have to use them!"
I knew what she was talking about. Terahertz radar that can see through clothes and walls.
It would be simpler though.
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