*D*I*S*R*E*S*P*E*C*T

If you are a rockstar, NBA basketball player, or billionaire, getting girls is pretty much not a problem. For the average young guy, though, it can be a major life challenge. So what hope is there for such?

One popular story from Feynman's autobiographical Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman concerns what he learned about seduction in an Albuquerque night club. After repeatedly striking out, he asked for advice from the MC and his girlfriend. "You have to disrepect the girls," they said. Feynman tried it, so he said, and it worked like a charm.

I read this long ago and have never had any inclination to try it, but it always seemed a bit too simple. It turns out that there is a community of umm, whatever, who have turned the art of attraction and seduction into a technology. I learned about it from a reality series called "The Next Master Pick Up Artist." Mr. E., or Mystery as he styles himself, is the MC, mastermind, and central figure of the show. It turns out that he makes a very nice living travelling around teaching men how to pick up attractive women.

The premise of the show is that they start with eight hopeless nerds, teach them the tricks of the trade, and eliminate one loser per week. The winner gets some cash and the title, plus some kind of role as apprentice instructor.

Now guys, if you are an RFC (regular frustrated chump - the technology comes with an elaborate vocabulary), or have ever been one, you can recognize yourself in these nerds as they bumble around the bar, look nervous, and get shot down in appalling flames. Release a PUA (pick up artist) into these self-same waters, and in minutes he is surrounded by eager, laughing beauties.

Their stuff does work. It's based on a careful study of female psychology and its manifestations in looks, tics, and gestures - that and an elaborate act designed to demonstrate that the PUA is a high-value person. The skill consists of mastering some fairly simple elements and recognizing the clues to their successful application. Overall, it looks to be not a lot harder than riding a bicycle.

Pattern recognition is vital. It's like a game of chess. To the beginner, that enemy bishop at c4 is a meaningless random fact, but to the player, it's a dagger aimed at your King's critical f7, even if there a couple of pieces in between. The PUA sees a hand flicking at her hair as an IOI (indication of interest) - other gestures, mostly involuntary, as positives or negatives and reacts accordingly. Disrespect, or "negging" in PUA lingo, has it's own role. If the target is very confident of her own looks and status - a model or a stripper, for example, she needs to be taken down a peg - gently (I love your nails - are they real?). Almost always, the true target should be mostly ignored - the idea is to get her to want into the conversation, so talk to her friend, or another guy in the group.

There is a lot of interesting primitive brain psychology going on here, but essentially the PUA is a saleman, selling himself. Naturally, I only caught a little bit of what's going on. I'm not interested in this skill for myself, and I don't quite approve of it - it doesn't really seem ethical. Nonetheless, some of it is mastering basic human psychology, and a lot of it is learning to pay attention to the signals others, and you yourself, are sending out.

Overall, it seems both more solidly based and more ethical than Feynman's "disrespect" principle.

-- Slow Eddie