Dissin'

Since several of our more astute commenters took exception to the *D*I*S*R*E*S*P*E*C*T* post, I decided to take another look at the subject. Feynman's disrespect in two of his illustrations was fairly minor: he told the dancer in Albuquerque that since she wasn't going to his room with him, she should pay for the sandwich he bought her, and told the sex-workers in Las Vegas that they had to pay for their own drinks. Mystery, by contrast, made a point of telling the candidates that they could not disrespect the dancers they were trying to pick up.

I think that there might be more than one phenomenon going on here. The exotic dancers see the customers as marks and targets for their seductive charms, and the prospective pick up artist can't make progress without breaking through that barrier. That requires being unimpressed with the seduction (by negating or disrespecting the tactic) and connecting on personal level - while still appearing to be an attractive partner themselves.

The situation with the drop dead beautiful model type is slightly more complex. That person knows that she is high status and expects special attention and special treatment.

From time to time the New York Times runs a story on the unfortunate plight of the successful young woman in the city. The latest episode notes that a lot more women than men graduate from college these days, and in the cities at least, wind up making more money than their male contemporaries. Is this an issue? It seems that it is. The successful chicks hate it if the poorer guy lets them pick up the check and they hate it if he takes them on cheap dates. Women seem to be programmed to be attracted to higher or at least equal status men. There aren't so many sex-reversed (or financial status reversed) Miss Elisabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy couples in literature.

Back to our semi-hypothetical model, who sees herself, so I imagine, as higher status than random men she meets. Ignoring her, or sending her a few negative messages, undermines her sense of status and her sense of superiority to the candidate PUA. This has the seemingly paradoxical effect of making him look more attractive to him. Naturally, this can easily be carried too far. She will eventually tire of being ignored, so the sensitive PUA, carefully attuned to the conscious and unconscious signals she is sending, will throw her enough crumbs to let her know that he might be interested, if she is willing to make the effort.

Supposedly, this often works. HTH.

-- Slow Eddie