Saturday, December 09, 2006

Presidential Preferences

I have been looking over the likely suspects for 2008, and my reaction is mostly yetch. The rundown.

John McCain: Straight talking war hero McCain turned out to be politically inconvenient. He has spent the last year cozying up to and hiring every scumbag in the Republican Party. He is pro-victory in Iraq, whatever the hell that means, but not in any realistic way. He just wants to keep sending American soldiers into the meat grinder to kick this can down the road. PROSPECTS: +4 RATING: -4

Rudy Giuliani: Serial adulterer with many wives, too liberal for the Republican Party, too crooked for the country, and a real jerk. I can hope that he has no chance in the primaries. PROSPECTS: +1 RATING: -3

Sam Brownback: Seems to be an honest man. Way too conservative for me. PROSPECTS: +2 RATING: +0

Mitt Romney: I don't know much bad about him. Too liberal and too Mormon for the evangelicals. He's from Massachusetts for cripes sake. PROSPECTS: -1 RATING: +1.

Newt Gingrich: Another guy with an adultry problem. A disgusting human being and filthy hypocrite, but smarter than the average Republican. PROSPECTS: +1 RATING: -2

Hillary Clinton: I don't like her and I don't like dynasties. A lot of people agree with the former. The best thing I can say about her is that she's married to Bill Clinton. The worst thing I can say about her is that she's married to .... you get the idea. PROSPECTS: +4 RATING: +1

Barack Obama: I like him, or at least I used to before he starting running for President. Seems like a smart young guy, but he is way, way too green. PROSPECTS: +3 RATING: +1

Bill Richardson: My Governor. He has by far the best resume of any candidate now running: Experience as governor, congressman, cabinet member, and high level diplomat. Negatives: He's governor of a State most Americans don't even know we have, and he's made some enemies. PROSPECTS: +1 RATING: +4

John F****** Kerry: Puulleeeze! PROSPECTS: -5 RATING: -2

John Edwards: He tends to get old fast. PROSPECTS: +1 RATING: +3

Al Gore: The mystery candidate. A proven loser, but there are, it seems, second acts in American politics. PROSPECTS: +2 RATING: +4

The rest of the thundering herd: PROSPECTS: Not good. RATING: Who knows?